::Leading With A Limp::

From the Mailbag: Accepting Criticism

I received a message on Facebook today from somebody that I have never met.  I love the global community that social networks have created!  Her note said:

I viewed your information on the web about criticism and it is a great help. I teach a life skills class so the information is quite useful.

What she was referring to was a post I wrote all the way back in April of 2006 called "Accepting Criticism".  I lays out a premise that I believed in then, and believe in more so today.  So from the archives, here is the post in it's entirety. (Note: When I refer to "Sunset" that is the church that I was working for at the time of this post)

An observation of church staff culture: people are very slow to accept honest criticism.  This applies to all staff, both paid and unpaid (that is...lay leaders and other volunteer directors).  It's an interesting issue that I think is worth the time to address.

"If you ignore criticism, you will end in poverty and disgrace; if you accept criticism, you will be honored", Proverbs 13:18 (NLT).  This can be some difficult instruction for anybody, inside a church or out.  Criticism, when presented honestly and without an agenda, can be very helpful in streamlining any organization.  Over the past 10 months, I have noticed that some accept criticism well, learn from it, adjust their thinking and move on better than before.  Others appear to be wounded by any criticism, and end up limping through their tasks; either resenting the person that shared with them or adopting an indignant attitude.  I recognize that some of the varied responses are a result of personality, but I do think that there are some steps that can be taken to foster an environment where criticism is a good thing. The Proverbs offer excellent advice about this:

1. A good leader will listen to those that are under their charge. "Good leaders cultivate honest speech; they love advisers who tell them the truth", Proverbs 16:13 (The Message).  As a leader we have many great responsibilities.  One of those is to surround ourselves with people that are honest so that we can trust them.  If you have succeeded in this as a leader, then you should be able to accept not only praise from your direct reports, but also criticism.
2. A good leader will  have the ability to learn and to adapt to new ideas and direction. "A wise man will hear and increase learning", Proverbs 1:5a (KJV).  Many times we, as leaders, have exceptional ideas of vision and direction.  Often times that ideas need to be tweaked ever so slightly, and those around us can help us with those tweaks.  If we are unable to flex at all, the criticism will be bitter and we will create an unhealthy work place. Don't be so arrogant so as to think that your ideas are perfect every time!
3. The giver of criticism should choose their words carefully. "Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing", Proverbs 12:18 (NIV).  When we go to somebody with criticism, what is our motivation?  If it is to further our own agenda, to cover our tracks for our own mistakes or simply out of anger, then that criticism will probably not be received well, and rightfully so.  Those words will "pierce like a sword" and the receiver will immediately become defensive.  You've got a battle on your hands!  Conversely, if your motivation is pure and your criticism is constructive, not destructive, you will have a greater chance of being viewed as wise, and these words will bring healing.
4. Set the stage for honest conversation far in advance. "Good-tempered leaders invigorate lives; they're like spring rain and sunshine", Proverbs 16:15 (The Message). Develop relationships with those around you!  You are far more likely to be able to give criticism to and take criticism from a person (above, beside or below you) that you have an honest and sincere relationship with.  At Sunset I have worked hard to get to know all of the members of the staff, and many of the lay leaders.  This has really helped my communication with all departments at all levels.  I certainly have a deeper relationship with some over others, but at least I have a relationship of some flavor with all the people that work with me.  This is incredibly helpful.  I witnessed a confrontation two days ago between two members of staff that don't know each other very well, they work in different departments.  When a problem became common to the two of them, the communication was strained as they had very opposing views.  Although both have been on staff for about the same amount of time, presumably they haven't made the effort to really get to know each other.  This was damaging to the way they communicated, and ultimately the criticism from one to the other was not received (or given) well. 

There are many other points that can be made, but I think these four punctuate the essence of what I am try to convey.  Criticism is not a bad thing if done properly!  Of course before you even utter your first word, you need to have taken this to The Lord in prayer and petition.  Pray for a gentle spirit, pray for guidance and pray for humility.  Be extremely cautious about praying with others about this, because very often gossip and slander are veiled as "prayer requests".  Don't be one of those people that talks about others under the guise of prayer! If you love The Lord and want His will to prevail, confrontation and criticism, even at church, can be an excellent tool for growth.

B.A.D.D. Video: Set the Record Straight with Jacob

The Bel Air Drama department is masterful and taking Bible stories and using some humor to explain them in easy-to-understand ways. (Nice work, Bob and crew!)

Check out this 3:50 video, done interview style with Jacob.  This was a great bumper for Mark's sermon.

Bel Air's Reach in Los Angeles

I saw this over at Daryl's site and thought that we could make use of it.  What would a map look like that showed L.A. with a dot for each family that comes to Bel Air Pres?  This helps us understand the momentum of neighborhoods around us, but also clearly points to the fact that we are a commuter church.

This was IT's first swing at this, so we'll probably add some more info soon (1 mile, 5 mile, 10 mile radius) but I wanted to share it with you (click for a larger image).  I have set it as my desktop background so that I can be reminded that the work we do here does impact Los Angeles in very positive ways.  We are working hard to make L.A. the greatest city for Christ! Good work Jeremy and Sean!

The Future of Sermons?

My friend and colleague Rhett Smith put up an interesting post today called "I Can't Listen to Another Sermon".  He wonders if the future of sermons looks less like a lecture and more like something else.

It's a pretty good read, if you have a moment, go over and weigh in.

Pop Goes The Church Review

To be honest, I didn't know what to expect when I got my advanced copy of "Pop Goes The Church".  I haven't meant Tim in person, but I do know him through his blogging and through the great works of Granger Community Church.  Would this be another feel-good, I-just-ate-too-much-sugar kind of motivational Christian book?  Or would it be the other extreme, an in-your-face reminder that everything I am doing as a church leader and a follower of Christ is wrong, and I need to do a 180 right now if I know what is good for me?  I'm pleased to report that neither of these extremes apply to this book, although my perspective on many things has been modified.

Tim writes with a very comfortable, almost conversational style.  I was halfway through the book before I realized that I was actually reviewing and critiquing the works...I had become lost in the stories, examples and proddings about how to leverage culture and weave it throughout a church experience.

Tim uses an appropriate amount of scripture throughout.  I don't believe he intended this to be a Bible study, so if you are expecting an exegetical look into Haggai, you're not going to find it here.  He also didn't intend this as a marketing guide for secular business, so the scripture he uses truly backs up his points well.  This book can be read and appreciated by all Christ followers (and hopefully many agnostics and atheists as well), but I think it's squarely aimed at church leaders. 

I would like to pull out some specific quotes and ideas that Tim brings up, because I think they are brilliant in terms of creating a conversation between traditionalists and post-modern or emergent thinkers.  But...I'm obligated to not do that.  There is a long list of bullet points about things I can and cannot do as a reviewer, and it's pretty clear that if I give you a sneak peak that would be bad.  I guess you'll have to wait for it to be published. ;)

I will say this...throughout my time of reading Pop Goes The Church, I was spurred to conversation with others.  Not about the book specifically (again, we'll have to wait for the official publication to have those conversations), but about the idea of leveraging culture within the church.  If your knee-jerk reaction is something like, "culture and church don't even belong in the same sentence" then you must read this book.  It will probably get you pretty ticked off (...you can't do that at church...), but it will no doubt cause a great amount of conversation to happen around you, which is a good thing.  If you think that the idea of leveraging culture for church purposes is a brilliant idea and you cannot imagine church without it, this book will create great conversation around you as well!  It will get you talking about why you do or believe what you do, and it will even challenge you in some new and exciting ways.

For me personally, I'm a better person for reading this, and I hope to bring much of Tim's encouragement into my own church, Bel Air Presbyterian.  Bel Air is uniquely situated...an amazing, well-known church with boat loads of tradition, planted smack dab in the middle of the cultural breeding grounds of the world.  Bel Air has a great balance of the old and the new, of the tradition and the pop culture.  When Tim finally does get this thing published, I will be getting copies for my staff.

Martin Luther King Jr.: I Have A Dream

I suppose it could be tempting to look at today as just another day off of work.  But today is significant, it honors a great thinker and social activist.  He believed in peaceful protest.  He believed in humility and service to our fellow humans.  Today is Martin Luther King Jr. day.  If you haven't watched his famous "I have a dream" speech, I have put it into this post.  Spend the 11 minutes and 50 seconds it takes to watch this, then carry on with your day.

Pop Goes The Church: Preview

No, I'm not going to post anything from the new Tim Stevens book "Pop Goes The Church", but I am uber-excited that I was selected as one of the handful of people from around the country to get a pre-published copy for review and comment!

Tim does some great stuff on the other side of the country from me at Granger Community Church.  I received the book from the publisher yesterday, I plan to read it over the weekend.

If you haven't checked out Tim's blog before, it is well worth your time.  Stop in and tell him I sent you over, and dig down into his current posts and archives while you are there...you just may learn something!

Amazing Grace at Bel Air Pres

This is a fantastic week to be a part of the Bel Air Pres Church community!  Last night Shane Claiborne spoke to about 1,000 of us, and it was an incredibly moving and impacting talk.  The worship time before and after was incredible.

Another great opportunity is coming up this Friday the 18th...we will be showing the movie Amazing Grace in our sanctuary, and we will be joined by some very special guests; Os Guinness, Ken Wales (the producer of this movie) and Rev. John Huffman.

We normally don't show movies in our Sanctuary, but we felt this was such an important message, and we have such an amazing panel of people joining us for a discussion, that it would be a great opportunity to do so.

This is a FREE event, it starts at 7pm in the Sanctuary.  The discussion by the panel will focus on the civic duty as modeled by William Wilberforce, and other themes of the movie.  No RSVP is required, so just show up.  See you there!

Shane Claiborne at Bel Air Pres 1-15-08

Shane Claiborne, author of the book The Irresistible Revolution (Living As An Ordinary Radical) will be speaking at Bel Air Pres Church tomorrow night, Tuesday the 15th.

Perhaps you have heard of him...he has made quite a stir in certain circles.  Ty is going through a series of posts commenting on his book, and I know that a lot of people at Bel Air are very excited to have him come in.

If you would like to join us, the event is free from admission, and starts in the Sanctuary at 8:15pm and is a part of The Foundry.  If you want a good seat, show up early.  From Shane's website about their community of faith is:

Each of us is created for community, and in the image of community. And yet everything in the world tries to rob us of this Divine gift.

            

The life of the simple way is the story of that struggle to love and to be loved.

            

The most radical thing we do is choose to love each other... again and again.

            

If you are a seeker of the Way, may our story feed you hope... or at least keep you from making all the same mistakes.

Change

There is so much floating around my head about the concept of change in life.  I'm not going to bore you with the details.  Instead, I will write some of them in bullet form, like an old, tired and somewhat eccentric college professor that isn't sure how to present his latest findings to a class.

• People often say they want change...but they really don't. Some are honest enough to admit that, some are not.
• Change is a necessary part of growth.
• Most people say that they are very comfortable with change, but when it affects them, they don't call it change, they call it everything else...usually saying something like, "life is really hard right now".
• Change management is a dynamic and confusing, but very necessary, part of management
• Back to the second bullet point...change is often equated with trouble.  I'm glad God is with us.