::Leading With A Limp::

A Perfect Father's Day

Zuma Beach. 80* with a slight breeze.  Boogie Boards.  My family.

Happy Mother's Day

When my first child was little he tried to call my mom, his grandma, "grammy" but he kept saying "bammy".  After about a year of this it stuck, and four kids later she is still Bammy.  So here is our Mother's Day Video for Bammy.  We love you!

FAQs: What is Next for Matt?

I can only say one word to summarize all of the love and support I have received in the last 48 hours after I announced my resignation as Executive Director from Bel Air Presbyterian Church...and that one word is "wow".  I am speechless.  I have received hundreds of emails, twits, Facebook messages, text messages and phone calls.  Wow.  Thank you for your love and prayers.

Several questions have come up that seem to be common to many people.  I'm going to pull out the top contenders and put them into an FAQ.  These are not verbatim questions, but they are a summary of what you all are asking.

FAQ #1: What are you going to do next for work?

Unknown.  This is probably the most asked question right now.  Let me start by telling you what I will not be doing: MLM or start-ups.  Sorry folks, I'm just too old and I have too many kids to pursue either of those.  I have been approached by a dozen or so people in the last 8 months to do one or the other, and I have said no to all of them.  I have plenty of friends that are quite successful in these type of ventures, but again, I don't think I'm at a point in my life where I am going to do that.

I have received a handful of "if you're interested, perhaps we can look at this together" kinds of emails, which is great and encouraging.  For my time line though, I'm not going to make a decision immediately.  I am spending the next week with my family, because frankly I think I have been spending far too little time with them since we moved to Los Angeles.  My kids have really been robbed of time with their dad, and that's a shame.  So we're hanging out in the park, looking at clouds and laughing a lot while we consider the future.

FAQ #2: Are you going to stay in Los Angeles?

Unknown.  Being totally honest with you, we love it here.  I feel like God brought us to LA for a reason, and I'm having a hard time digesting that the reason could have been an 8 month stint.  However, God is in charge of this one, not us, and so we are willing to look around.  Scores of people have reminded us that our house in Oregon still hasn't sold.  They don't need to remind us...I pay the stupid mortgage every 30 days on a house that is vacant, so I know all too well that it's still there. If you are interested in a lovely house that looks over the valley, send me an email.

FAQ #3: Are you going to stay in ministry?

Unknown (do you see a pattern developing here?).  I love working for the church, and I think I'm fairly decent at what I do.  I also miss being on the front lines out in the world.  While I explore possibilities I am probably going to dabble in a few side projects.  For one I am finally pursuing some Voice Over work.  It is ridiculous how many people ask me if I do VO for a living.  Ridiculous.  So I'm doing some work around town with that.  Also, I have some good friends that have some pretty amazing music projects that they could use some help developing business wise, so I think I'll lend a hand to that.  Of course nothing is out of bounds, perhaps I will go to professional stunt man school.

FAQ #4:  Where did you get your devilish good looks?

Okay, I made that one up.  Nobody asked that.  But the answer is from my strong Scottish genes.

FAQ #5:  Are you mad at God?

This one is NOT unknown, and the answer is a resounding no.  I'm not mad at God...nor am I mad at anybody else.  Many people have said something like, "you moved your entire family 1,000 miles and you were only in your job for 8 months. Doesn't that make you mad?"  No,  it doesn't.  This is where the rubber hits the road.  It's easy to talk about faith when times are easy, much more difficult when you get thrown a curve ball...and believe me, I've had more curve balls thrown than a Dodgers vs. Giants game.  I feel that we are centered perfectly in God's will, and I know that He loves me as one of His children.  That's a pretty good feeling.

FAQ #6: Are you finally going to start blogging again?

This could actually be moved up the list, because it was asked almost as much as what I'm going to do for a job.  Here is an excerpt from one email:

Your Blogs have been fewer and different since you went down there. Often (not always) less thought provoking for me.  I used to forward your posts to people in my sphere, and in particular my pastor(s) due to their content and thought provoking, ‘edge’ that they had.  I felt challenged in the expression of my own faith as well as “how” we do church.  I have felt this less in the last months.

It's true that I haven't blogged much since I've been in L.A. and there are a number of reasons why.  I am putting all of those reasons behind me and firing up the machine again.  Post on!  As it always used to be, I will write with authenticity, transparency and will try to connect this crazy world to the world that God would have for us.

Blogging is in my DNA...I feel that the internet can be used for very bad or very good purposes.  I like to think that some of what I write is good, and that it can have a positive influence on this dark world.  So my friends, I am back in the saddle!  Please respond in kind by commenting as you feel lead.  This blog is a conversation, not a one way intercom system.

Of course, I have lost about 50% of my readership over time as I have posted far less, and honestly I can't blame people for bailing.  But the drought is over...come back friends!  Subscribe via RSS!

 

That's it!  Six is enough, and this post is entirely too long as it is.  Comment away, and if you have more questions I would love to hear them.  Thank you, friends, for supporting me and my family during this time of change.

Grace and peace to you!

My Resignation from Bel Air Presbyterian Church

Yesterday at 3 o'clock in the afternoon I met with Pastor Mark Brewer, my boss at Bel Air Presbyterian Church in Los Angeles, and told him that I was resigning from Bel Air Presbyterian Church.

Since August 2007 I have been serving as the Executive Director.  People always asked me what my job entailed, and my answer was "to keep the church healthy".  That pretty wells sums it up, that included everything from day-to-day operations to personnel matters, and everything in between.

Over the last several months I have been talking with Pastor Mark about a variety of issues, things that have caused us mutual concern.  Throughout the course of our conversations it became increasingly clear that I was not a good fit for the position of Executive Director as the environment currently exists. My talks with Mark came to a point where last Friday it was mutually agreed that I would step down from my position as Executive Director of the church.  Mark offered two choices to me beyond my role of xDir, to either accept an amazing position that was created for me that would involve planting churches all around Los Angeles under the model of Bel Air, or to accept a separation agreement that was generous.  After a weekend of prayer, discussion and more than a little begging of God for His will to be shown to me, I have opted for the latter.

I met with Mark yesterday to discuss my decision.  He told me he was surprised, and I think it is fair to say that we were both disappointed and sad that we will be parting ways in our work relationship.  I told him that I came to Los Angeles to follow him, to serve The Lord and to grow His church, and so this was a very difficult decision for  Jen and me to make. For the record, I love Mark and am a better person because of the time that I worked with him.

Over the course of the last several weeks, when it was becoming critical for me to make a decision to stay or to go, I poured into scripture and surrounded myself with prayer warriors.  The last several weekends have been spent with my wife and some very close friends, praying, laughing, crying, discussing, objecting, concluding and praising.  Making a big decision like this should come with the blessing of your closest advisers and with the knowledge and promise of scripture.  In his letter to the Ephesians Paul tells us that's it's okay to be angry, but not to sin.  Colossians let's us know that we should work at everything with all of our heart, but to remember that we are working for God, not for men.  We looked at the very interesting path of Mordecai in the book of Esther, and we studied and considered Nehemiah.  After we all concluded that my departure was best, we spent time in deep and intimate prayer, and I am sure that God heard us and was pleased.

A friend of mine sent me a link to a podcast a couple of weeks ago that shook me to my core.  One of the lines that I cannot get out of my head is, "keep living in the integrity of your conscience".  Read that a few times and consider it.  I felt that this decision allowed me to do just that.

 

At 9 o'clock this morning Pastor Mark is sharing this information with the staff at the weekly staff chapel meeting.  I will spend that time praying for him and for the staff, that they understand and accept this decision.  There is a lot of work to be done in Los Angeles, this is a crazy town, and there are so many people that need to hear the saving gospel of Jesus Christ.  As long as Bel Air Pres is continuing to do everything she can for the city, and as long as her halls are filled with righteous and God-loving people...those that love Him and love each other without condition...then the hand of the Lord will be upon her. I wish nothing but success and blessings for Mark, the staff and the congregation of Bel Air Presbyterian Church!

As for me and my family, our future is uncertain.  We do not have anything lined up, but we are confident that we are squarely in the center of God's will with this decision, so we will be taken care of.  Please pray for us as we forget what is behind and strain toward what is ahead.  Grace and peace to you!

What Is The Purpose of Noise?

This post is about noise…environmental noise that slows you down, prevents you from focusing on your job, your family and God. Before I write, let me tell you about where I am. I am sitting in the middle of nowhere, in central Oregon at a camp called Wildhorse Canyon. We are about 20 miles from the nearest "town" that is essentially a gas station. This place is significant to me, it was here that God spoke to me two years ago and released me from my physical hell. You can refer to yesterday's post if you are just jumping in and don't understand what I am talking about.

I am at a men's retreat with my former church, Sunset Presbyterian. It's early in the morning, and breakfast will start soon. Before it does, more than half of my cabin mates are gathered in the one area that has wi-fi on this massive campus, and we are typing, smiling, reading, commenting and generally going nuts on our laptops. Most of us have music players (iTouch, Zune) going while we work. I noticed an older gentleman walk by a few minutes ago and chuckle in a can't-you-live-for-one-day-without-your-electronics kind of way. I just smiled.

I think that many people think of the constant barrage of MP3 music as a distraction. In fact, I know this to be the case. Several people have shared with me that they think it's "too bad" that people cannot enjoy the silence, that they have to have music. I have a different reason for listening to music this morning, and most mornings or settings like this: it's to filter out the noise around me, not create more.

Today the world is noisy. Very noisy. It is such a challenge to find a place that is quiet enough to spend time with God without interruption. This morning I put in some very mellow music, turned it up to a point that wasn't distracting, and read my Bible. Today I was reading the last chapter of the book of Luke where those around Jesus couldn't (or wouldn't?) recognize Him after his resurrection. Finally in 24:31 we see that their eyes were opened. I then spent time praying to God, asking him to open my eyes so that I could see. What a wonderful time with God this morning! All the while, I had my ear buds in, listening to Steve Fee slowly drift in and out of musical conversation with God.

To those walking by, I'm sure it looked as if I couldn't get away from the noise. What was really happening was that I finally did, and it was beautiful. Oh, if you are wondering, I love the silence too. Later today I will hike to the top of Heartbreak Hill, a small mountain with a vertical climb that would make a deer think twice before trying to ascend. I will get to the top, look at the valley around me, read, pray and praise God for His creation. I won't bring my Zune with me to listen to music , I don't think there will be too many noise makers at the top. J

New Name, New Feel (Part 1 of 2)

Leading with a limp...

Let me explain the title.  It has to do with my philosophy of management as well as ministry, and it has a personal connection to me on a very deep level. For my RSS readers you should pop over to my blog and see the change so you know what I'm talking about.

First the management and ministry stuff.  I have interacted with leaders of all calibers, backgrounds, statures and vocations in my jobs at church as well as with my previous two companies.  There are as many leadership styles as there are leaders, and if you ask any of them the best way to manage people, they always have an opinion.  Welcome to my little corner of the internet, this is my opinion.

I believe that management, when integrated with ministry, should produce fantastic, excellent and wildly transparent leaders.  This goes against many management styles of the latter part of last century which would tell you that you must appear invincible and somewhat removed from your workers.  But of course, since you are reading a blog (something that has not even existed until very recently), you know that the world has changed since this style was born.  In a world of incredible information and reach, transparency is the new invincibility.  Gone are the days of steadfast separation from the staff and instead we live in times where  management must have a new and intimate awareness of the staff which they serve.  Yes, I said that correctly...the staff which they serve.

I believe that with the Next Generation and with the New Media comes an acute awareness between what is genuine and what stinks.  I am not in this generation, I'm afraid I'm too old now, but those that come behind me are amazing with the ability to sense genuine relationships and intentions.

Which brings us to my philosophy of management: I believe that with this acuteness comes acceptance as well.  Although many are quick to separate the wheat from the chaff, when they do determine that somebody (a person or an organization) is true to what they say, not just in word but in action, they will accept a great amount of variation from the traditional leadership role.  In other words, they will not only accept but actually expect vulnerability in their leaders.  Paradoxically, this usually creates a greater sense of loyalty and faithfulness.

That is not to say that leaders should be faulty or incompetent.  No!  Quite the opposite...leaders should be held to very high standards, and should be excellent and what they do.  It would be a big mistake to confuse vulnerability and transparency with incompetence and ineptitude.  This is where many leaders fail to make the leap, they equate sharing their struggles with their staff to weakness.

I'm proud to say that I work for a man that is not afraid to share himself with his staff or his congregation.  The result is a passion for his vision that people want to carry out, they want to be a part of it!  I believe that as we move through these days of social networking, 24/7 information and sometimes scary intrusion by the New Media, we must change the way we interact.  The rules of society and work are quickly changing, and we must be the leaders that carve the path to great things through transparency, brokenness and inspiration.

In part 2 I will discuss why "leading with a limp" means so much to me personally, and describe briefly the pain associated with this phrase.  So for those of you that like to see me in pain, come back soon. ;)

Home for Rent in Beaverton, Oregon

If you don't live in Beaverton, Oregon (a suburb of Portland) nor do you plan to in the very near future, just go ahead and skip this post.  If, however, you do and you would like to rent an awesome home, read on.

We are renting our home.  Specifically, we are renting *or* selling our home, but since homes don't sell well in the middle of winter in Oregon then a renting situation is the most likely scenario.  You can check out the video below, some specs are at the end.  General details:

• Awesome neighborhood!  This is on Cooper Mountain at the end of a private and quiet cul-de-sac.  Instead of going with a new, cookie-cutter home we opted for an established neighborhood.  It was a great choice
• 1,980 sq ft, split level, built in 1977.  Forced heat and air conditioning, wood and stone throughout (slate and limestone)
• 3 bedrooms, 2.5 bathrooms
• Large 2 car garage with work benches, cabinets and a lot of extra space
• Full storage in attic
• $1,800/month for a 12 month term.  We can negotiate a 6 month term if you are interested
• Pets are okay with an additional deposit
• Interested?  Email me.  I can be reached at matt{at}mattsingley{dot}com.  Additional contact info is in the right side bar

Climbing,Candles,Christmas,Chinese & Dwight

h, The last few days have been wonderful, the Singley Family has enjoyed some great and unusual times.  In order, starting on Christmas Eve...

This is our first Christmas in Los Angeles, so the warm weather was quite a nice surprise.  On Christmas Eve the family took a hike through some of the hills in our neighborhood.  The kids were amazingly apt considering we climbed over 400 vertical feet in less than a mile.  We wound our way up the trails in the desert hills and enjoyed a nice stick/sword fight at the top overlooking the Conejo Valley  It was breathtaking in a number of ways, mostly the climbing I would imagine.

That night we went to the 5pm Christmas Eve service at Bel Air Presbyterian Church.  TJ, Kim and the rest of the band did a beautiful job of fusing worship songs and traditional Christmas carols.  The place was absolutely packed, standing room only.  A very nice surprise for us was being able to light the advent candles as a family!  A couple of things came up for the family that was going to do it, so as I walked into the sanctuary before service to make sure everything was okay Renae approached me and asked if my family would be willing.  Of course!  What a great honor.  Nick and Maddie said a couple of lines about lighting the candles, they did a great job.  We finished off the service by dropping the house lights and singing "Silent Night" to candlelight.  It was beautiful...and it felt like Christmas.  It was great to be in our new church home.

Christmas day was great!  The kids actually slept in pretty late, and so we had a nice breakfast and then opened our gifts.  Hey iPod folks...I got my wife a pink Zune. :)  The kids and adults all had a great time, and we ended up playing many family games including classics like Clue.  Do you remember that game?  It's a lot of fun...sometimes the oldies are the goodies.

Since Jen had been cooking meals every night for a while we decided to take a break from healthy home cooking and go for some unhealthy fast food...off to In-N-Out I went with Nick and my father-in-law. Unfortunately for us they were closed, no Double Double for me! So we go to plan B...Chinese Food!  They are open 24/7 so it's a sure thing.

We arrived at a place in Augora Hills that wasn't too crowded...yet.  There was only one other family waiting in the lobby.  That family made me smile.  Why?  Well, normally I don't even blink at celebrities in town because they are everywhere and I like to give them their privacy.  They are people too.  But this was a special celebrity, one who's name has graced this blog many times.  Yes, we were waiting on Chinese food with none other than Dwight K. Schrute.  Shortly after we got there, every person in Augora Hills was trying to get in...I guess they figured out it was the only place that was open.

So friends, it has been a good great Christmas.  Wherever you are, faithful reader, I wish you and yours all of God's grace and peace into the New Year.  I will leave you with the script from Christmas Eve as a reminder of why we believe what we do.

Matt: Why do we light these candles?
Nick: We are preparing for the coming of Christ in our lives.

[Light the first candle]
Maddie: We light the first candle, reminding us of God's promise of peace on earth.

[Light the second candle]
Jen: We light the second candle, reminding us that we are to dispel the darkness of sickness, poverty, injustice and suffering all around us.

[Light the third candle]
Nick: We light the third candle, reminding us to be constant and patient in our relationships and in our living.

[Light the fourth candle]
Matt: We light the fourth candle, reminding us that the way of following Jesus is the way of righteousness, trust and faithfulness.
Jen: God, we have watched for your coming with longing and with expectation, with patience and with hope.  Now, as the prophets promised so long ago, you have come to us once again; and with the shepherds, we are filled with wonder and amazement.

[Light the white Christ candle]
Matt: Lord, you come as a tiny, fragile baby; yet we know that you are God, and you are with us.  May the flame of this candle remind us that you are the light of the world and that if we follow you, we will never walk in darkness, but will have the true light of life.

All: Come, Lord Jesus, come.  Amen.

Session, Prayer and Communion

It's 10 o'clock at night and I'm still at Bel Air Pres Church.  It's late, I will go home soon...but I had to type this out while it was fresh in my memory.

Tonight we had our monthly Session meeting (for you non-Presbyterians that is a meeting of our elders and pastors, the governing body of the church) and did our regular business.  Then we all went to the sanctuary and spent the next hour together is such an amazing way.

The sanctuary if fully decorated for Christmas, so we were surrounded by beautiful lights, trees and decorations.  All of the house lights were off, and the only other source of light besides the decorations were a couple of dozen candles up on the platform.  Mark and Roger prepared communion for us, and one at a time each of us would go up front, take the elements and then share with the group what our prayer for this Christmas time was.  After a few would share, one of our elders would play the piano and we would sing a verse or two of a Christmas carol.  This went on for quite a while...it was beautiful, it was incredibly touching and it was peaceful.

I know that many of my readers are not followers of Christ, so to you, reading about taking bread and juice and talking about what we hope for may seem a little silly.  I wish you understood the hope that lies inside of me, because it wasn't silly, it was amazing.

Thank you God, for grace and peace.

11 Things I Have Learned In 11 Years of Marriage

Today is my anniversary, I have been married to Jenni for 11 years.  Yes, it's also Pearl Harbor Day.  And if you are unaware, it's Spouse 2.0 Day.  Back to the post...

I'm blessed to have been married to Jen for this long, and she is an incredibly patient woman to put up with me for more than a decade.  We have been through some crazy adventures together, most recently packing up our family and moving to Los Angeles.  She is a good person, a great mom and a loving wife.

Craig Groeshel recently posted 40 lessons that he has learned in his 40 years on this planet.  In the same spirit I submit for your approval eleven things that I have learned in eleven years of marriage:

1. When presented with the choice of going out with your buddies or staying home and spending time with your wife, choose the latter.  Your buddies won't remember your choice, your wife will...especially if it is her birthday weekend.
2. Don't begin a conversation with, "You know, that's not the way my mother used to cook that..."
3. Speaking of mothers, if your wife asks you if she is starting to look like her mother, the answer is always "no".  Always.
4. It's important to notice when she gets her hair done.
5. Bringing flowers home for no reason?  There is no down side.
6. Buying your wife new shoes for no reason?  There is no down side.
7. It's important to be able to laugh with your wife.  Practice this, build it up.  Watch funny movies together, understand each other's humor.  Life will present plenty of opportunities to cry and be angry, laughter is the catalyst that will get you through the tough times.
8. Pedicures as a couple will relieve stress 10x faster than anything else.
9. When kids enter the picture, let her sleep in when an opportunity arises.  Men, wake up early on the weekends and take the kids downstairs.  Not only will you get to watch cartoons with your children (yay for Bugs Bunny!), but that extra bit of rest will turn your wife into a new woman.
10. Say "I love you", face to face, at least once a day.
11. Pray together regularly.

Of course there are many more, but that would defeat the purpose of 11 in 11.  Add some pearls of your own if you would like...